The media is filled with tips and strategies to ‘improve our emotional wellbeing’. The New Year, the New Me. Healthy habits, taking control of what is important to us, spending quality time on ourselves.

Shouldn’t this translate to our littlest family members?

We often ask our child to give their toy to another: “Give it to your brother, he’s smaller than you.” “Say hello to the man, lady or unfamiliar adult.” “Share your sweets.”

As adults, we often seem to require our children to act as though they are little adults. Follow socially accepted norms. Use customary greetings. What must be remembered is that they aren’t, in fact, little adults. They are developing minds, strengthening bodies and people who have been in existence for a very limited number of days: 365, 730, 1,095.

Children need to be selfish about their own needs first. They need to experiment with the world around them without always being bound by adult expectations. It is essential to allow your child time to explore a toy or an item for their desired length of time. They may have never held a toy tractor before, or perhaps they have simply never held that specific toy tractor.

In nurseries and schools, desirable toys need to be plentiful and varied, as children wanting and waiting for a specific toy can be encouraged for a while with another.

Each child has the right to learn what they need in their life and what gives them joy. There are times when a child picks up a toy, looks at it for a moment, discovers whether it has value, meaning or connection to them, and then discards it.

That toy did not have the ‘zing’, the factor of interest for them.

However, to find this out, they had to touch it. They had to roll it. They had to squish it.

For many years, teachers and educators have used the words ‘Sharing is Caring’. It can be. It can be valuable to understand the needs and feelings of others. It can be important to recognise that our actions have an effect on others.

However, when you are two, it is also important to understand your own needs first, your own motivations. At this age, you have barely begun to discover what makes you happy, what helps you think and what guides your interest.

Whilst allowing your child to find out who they want to be, you can offer a wide range of suggestions, but above all, be a great role model.

Try these:

• If you have finished a call, hand the mobile to your husband and ask whether he would like to make a call.
• When you open a door in a public space, hold it open a little longer than usual and allow two or three people to pass through. As they say “thank you”, respond with “you’re welcome”.
• Whilst playing with your child, verbally admire the toy they have: “I love that toy kitty. I’m going to use it later when you are done.”

By acting as a role model, we demonstrate positive behaviours and give our children ideas about what can happen as a consequence of the things we do.

Try not to expect your child to automatically do any of these things. Children are not our mirrors.

What we aim for is that our children slowly connect with desirable and positive experiences…

…I remember when I gave my friend a toy after I had used it, and they smiled at me.

Above all, try to remember that every child needs time to make sense of their own world.

Give them that time. Often.

Mrs Laura Partanen
Nursery Manager
Jumeirah International Nurseries, Palm Jumeirah