Separation anxiety has always been one of the most common challenges faced by young children. For some babies and toddlers, the overwhelming fear of separation from their main carer and feelings of distress around unfamiliar people can be particularly intense.

If your child fits the above description, don’t despair. We’ve got your back! Here are some key strategies to help you navigate your child’s separation anxiety.

Take it slow!

Don’t expect your child to be able to cope with being away from you overnight. To best support them emotionally, taking small steps is the way to go.

Start by leaving your child with someone who is familiar to them, such as their nanny, a relative or a family friend, for short periods of time. Even 10–15 minutes will do. Then, little by little, extend the time that you are away from them by stepping out to run errands.

When starting nursery, having your child initially spend just a few hours each day for the first week or two, rather than expecting them to stay for the whole day from the very beginning, can also be a helpful approach.

Respect your child’s pace and allow them the time they need to feel comfortable in the new environment and gradually build their confidence.

It is also a good idea to visit the nursery with your child before their actual starting date. Spending some time with the nursery team while you are present can help ease your child’s separation anxiety.

Say goodbye and set clear expectations

Before you leave the house or leave your child at nursery, set clear expectations about how long you will be away.

Young children may not yet understand the concept of time, but you can use other references to help them understand when they can expect you back.

For example:

• “I’ll return after snack time.”
• “I’ll be here after your nap.”

Make sure you always keep your word.

It is also important to remember to say goodbye and not be tempted to sneak out to avoid tears. Leaving without your child seeing you can make them more anxious and confused when they realise that you are no longer there.

Instead, keep your goodbyes short and sweet and reassure your little one that you will be back at the agreed time.

Build their confidence through play

Children make sense of the world around them through play, so make use of this powerful tool to help them overcome anxiety.

Encourage your child to use dolls, puppets or soft toys to role play leaving mum or dad. You can also read stories about separation and reunion together.

Simple games such as peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek with parents or favourite toys are also useful for reinforcing a child’s understanding of object permanence and the idea that loved ones do not simply disappear when they are out of sight.

Introducing the idea of being away from you during activities in which your child already feels comfortable can help prepare them for the real experience and make it feel less intimidating.

Establish routines and be consistent  

It is important to remember that separation anxiety is a natural part of early childhood development.

Crying, tantrums and clinginess can all be normal reactions to separation. These behaviours may begin in infancy and continue into the toddler years, although the intensity and duration can vary greatly from one child to another.

Respect your child’s individual pace and be patient.

No matter how frustrated you may feel, avoid making negative comments about your child’s difficulty separating from you, especially in front of them.

It is also helpful to share information about your child with whoever is caring for them while you are away.

Do they have a comforter or transitional object that gives them a sense of security?

What strategies help them calm down when they are upset?

Make sure the carer is also aware of their usual routine. After all, a hungry or tired child is more likely to become upset than one whose basic needs have been met.

Every child is unique so respect their pace

It’s important to remember that separation anxiety is a natural part of early childhood development. Crying, tantrums and clinginess are normal reactions to separation and can begin between 6–8 months of age and continue until around two-and-a-half to three years old.

However, depending on a child’s personality and experiences, the intensity can vary. So, respect your child’s individual pace and be patient.

No matter how frustrated you feel, avoid making negative comments about your child’s difficulty separating from you, especially in front of them.

It’s also a good idea to share information about your child with whoever is caring for them while you’re away. Do they have a transitional object that gives them comfort and security? What strategies do you use to help your child calm down when they are upset?

Make sure the carer is aware of their daily routine too. After all, a hungry or tired child is more likely to cry and become upset than one whose basic needs have been met.

Think of yourself too!

Leaving your young child in someone else’s care for the first time can be stressful for parents as well.

It is therefore important to think about what will help put your own mind at ease.

Ask questions. Speak to other parents who are going through the same experience. Lean on the people around you for support.

Stay focused on your ultimate goal of helping your little one feel secure and confident when separated from you.

As difficult as it may feel now, this clinginess will not last forever.

Trust the word of a mum of a nine-year-old and a 13-year-old teenager. 😉

Mrs Carol Oliveira
Former Nursery Manager
Jumeirah International Nurseries at Regent International School, The Greens